Presented as a liberating godsend for the poor mythical bastard who thinks he’ll grow hair on his palms if he soaps up too vigorously, this preachy wannabe whack-off rag will better serve as a bedside conversation piece to amuse your guests. Oh, sure there’s a smattering of interesting anecdotes: fruits, vegetables and a carp used as vaginas, the requisite list of funny things doctors have pulled out of people’s rectums, and an unfortunately brief mention of an experimental subject in a Nazi Konzentrationslager who passed two years in incessant and compulsory masturbation. But the bulk of it’s pretty tame slumber-party-grade anecdotes.
The real humor comes from the “helpful” naiveté shining through in chapters like “An Evening Alone With You.” That’s right, gentlemen: It’s time for you to cook yourself a frozen lobster tail, take a bubble bath, and powder your body in front of a full-length mirror! Or take yourself out before-hand (so to speak) like the young man who shares THIS sex secret: “I’d walk to town, have a leisurely vanilla milk shake, easy on the syrup and lots of ice cream. I owe my sanity to that milk shake ritual.” Lots of normal-guy losers talking about their disgusting preferences along with pages and pages of remedial male masturbation techniques featuring REALLY CREEPY language like “His Excellency La Dong.” Concludes with the suggestion that we all drive around with bumper stickers proclaiming, “Up With Solo Sex,” while on the back cover we learn that our crusading “Dr. Litten” actually hides behind a pseudonym! I hate him. You’ll love it.
Paperback: 193 pages